So I was browsing bathing suits online (future posts will explain more) and on JCPenny's website, you can search by body type. I looked through the "flatters everyone" suits. I came across this: http://www5.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6E.aspx?DeptID=50434&CatID=50446&GrpTyp=ENS&ItemID=15cd56f&attrtype=SWI&attrvalue=flatters+everyone&CMID=50434%7c50446%7cshopbybodyshape&Fltr=SWI%3aEquals%3aflatters+everyone&Srt=&QL=T&IND=18&CmCatId=50434|50446|shopbybodyshape
(Sorry I know it isn't an embedded link. So kill me.)
Why yes. This flatters EVERYONE. Why didn't I think of that.