Thursday, January 31, 2008

I don't fear the snow!  I am parked in the garage for the first time in two years.  Plus I have no where to go until tomorrow evening.  I am actually kind of excited about the snow to be honest.

I take back my post about the house winning.  I am actually winning.  It is just little messes like dishes and toys that seem to make it look messy, but in reality, the house is getting significantly cleaner and neater.

Ava was hysterical today. It was a fun day being home.  She now has pretend conversations with her babies.  She will be watching tv and get up and say oh! my babies crying! and go get her doll.  She plays with her dolls 90% of the time she is playing.  Good thing she got a ton for Christmas.  We have a doll in almost every room.  Tonight she insisted on wearing her winter hat, holding her baby while sitting in the laundry basket.  She would just get in and out and put her hat on and take it off all while having lots of conversations.  She now is over emphasizing her mouth movements which makes her even harder to understand. It is interesting.  She was also doing some sort of dance move in the hallway that went into downward facing dog yoga move (look it up!).  I blame feeling good with jo jo today, since they showed them that stretch to make yourself feel better. It was really cute.

Here is the prayer request I sent out to our church today.  It sums up where we are at with Ava's eyes.

Ava is being treated for glaucoma. Her pressures were good for the
first year.  2 months ago, the pressures in her eyes went up so the
doctor added a second eye drop.  Last week, her test showed that her
one eye still isn't responding to either medication and the structure
of the eye is starting to change (not good) so he added a third
medication.  This is the last available treatment in the form of
drops.  There is one oral medication we can try but it hasn't been
tested that much in children and can have more side effects.  That will
be our last option before surgery.  Surgery for this type of glaucoma
isn't very effective, so we really want to keep her eye pressure
controlled with medication.  If her glaucoma cannot be controlled, the
end result will be she will lose all vision in that eye.   Sturge-Weber type glaucoma is very rare, and there aren't a lot of
effective treatment options.

Please pray for Ava's eyes, that they respond to the new medication
and that her vision is not effected.  Pray for us that we are
disciplined with her drops.  Pray that Ava stops fighting us when we
give her the drops so we can be sure they get in her eyes.  Please pray
that the doctor remain diligent in her treatment and that he make wise

Monday, January 28, 2008

Drum roll please!!  I just hung up stuff in our house.  It might be a little off center or crooked, but it is up.  (reasons why I didn't do it in the first place).  I have two more things to get hung up this week and then I will be content.  I have some frames I need to get pictures in and will hang them up too.  I still need to get some frames for some wedding pictures.  We honestly have some wedding gifts that I either just hung up for the first time or still haven't been hung up.  Our walls are pretty naked. 

Off to work!

the house is slowly winning

I feel like the house is winning the battle.  I see improvements in some areas but the other seem to be slowly coming undone.  Part of it is and will always be we stuff too much stuff in a little space and we dont' have a lot of organizational stuff.  I feel like I didn't get a whole lot done today because the dishes still definitely need to be done.  I did, however, go to the bank, library, and grocery store.  Cleaned out the fridge, rearranged the freezer and put everything away.  I did laundry and fed myself and Ava.  I put clothes back in Ava's drawers after she decided to do her own laundry.  I got hte dishwasher partly emptied.  Now I stop because I need to start getting ready for work and leave in half an hour.  My crocheting and knitting projects are going extremely slow.  I don't really know if I will finish any of them in the near future.  I need to make some coffee to bring with me to work.  I do fine until about 10 o'clock and then the tired hits, especially when I am there by myself.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

the guantlet

My knitting project is coming along...slowly.  I am 7 rows in.  It is going to take a very long time to finish.  I have two other crochet projects in the works right now too.  I guess Miss Ava has bought herself a little more bo bo time.

I just have to say that even though reality tv has gotten crazy, I have been in love with the "original" from the beginning.  I have seen every episode of every season of the Real World. I started watching it when I was either 11 or 12.  Real World/Road Rule Challenge started back up today!  Yay!  It is more interesting than the regular Real World because there are challenges and it has some of the same people.  I love that show.  I can't help it.

Monday, January 21, 2008

the kid is out of control

Out of control with intelligence that is!  (Just kidding, I do think the following story is probably a fluke of sorts)  Last night Justin wrote Ava's name on the magnadoodle.  I asked what it said and she said, "Aya!"  He tried it again a few times and each time she said "aya!"  He did it again this morning and she once again said "aya!"  Then he wrote "daddy" and she said, "Aya?"  It is like she knew it didn't say Ava but she wasn't sure what it said. 

Went to the doctor for her pre-op physical this morning.  She is healthy.  22nd and 23rd percentile for weight and height respectively.   I think I am going to Old Navy later to hit up their clearance section, so I am going to check the growth chart and see what size she will be wearing next year.  She has stayed pretty consistent percentile wise, so I think this will be a safe plan.

The doctor suggested replacing the evil bobo with something else.  She has been very into "blankies" lately so we are going for that.  I am going to attempt knitting project #1 (I do know how to do the basics, so I feel confident that I can follow a very, very basic pattern) and making her a fun colored blanket to be "the" blanket. 

Friday, January 18, 2008


They are both busted.  No wonder we have a hard time getting Dori to not take Ava's food.  Ava feeds her.  This is Ava feeding Dori pieces of apples.



And this is Ava helping with laundry in her "uniform" last week.


Thursday, January 17, 2008

rolling down the sand hill

Sorry I haven't posted in a while.  I have been busy.  Two nights of work under my belt.  Last night I pretty much ran the show at the shelter ( I really was the only caseworker there) and it was a crazy night...full of actual crazy.  I am now tired but ok.  Ava seems to be doing much better this week. We haven't done a whole lot but it sure seems like it. I am making banana bread right now (to kill the diet,  down 2 pounds by the way) and the timer is about to go off and I am being begged to play legos. 

Sunday, January 13, 2008


We bought a treadmill.  We figured we don't have the type of schedule to just run out to the gym, so we decided to cancel the gym membership that we have at the YMCA and take that money that we would have spent in the next year and get a treadmill.  Chances are we will actually use it more than the gym membership, plus if we don't ever use it, we still have something tangible that we can sell. 

Work out #1 was bringing the 170 pound treadmill into the house.  Justin is already on workout #2, putting it together.

I had a cool title but couldn't spell it

The treadmill is downstairs.   It is more or less like we have a big piece of exercise equipment in our livingroom instead of a couch.  I figure this is ok.  It will remind us to not sit around.  I know some people wouldn't put a treadmill in the main room of their house, but as you all already probably know, we don't put decorating as a high priority.  We love things that look cool, but I say we value function over design.  I also don't mind a little clutter.  I don't love that there is a giant treadmill taking up a good chunk of space, but at the same time it was space that was previously just open.  Not space we used.  It just looks kind of ugly now.  I figure oh well, something we will have to deal with when we sell the place, until then, it works for us. 

Starting tomorrow I am back on the weight loss plan.  I have been on hiatus for a couple months and am back to square one.  Now that i am home, I have run out of excuses.  I have time to cook healthy meals and go to the store on a regular basis.  I have time to work out.  I now don't even have to go anywhere.  I had been pretty ok with the status quo, then I was watching Discovery Health Channel's National Body Challenge and one of the contestants weighed 2 pounds less than me.  So i have set my goals, we will see what happens.  I will post my weights, after I actually lose a bit.  I don't think that there needs to be a big weight secrecy.  I will openly share my weight.  I figure it helps keep other people in perspective.  It does for me when I hear how much other people weigh.  Especially when I think I am thinner than they are and then i find out I have 20 pounds on them.   Yikes! 


So Justin's senior art show has come up in conversation a few times.  I just thought I would post some pictures.  Believe it or not, most of this stuff is either in our closet or the garage.  Sorry some of the pictures suck.  We had to take them in the frames with the lighting on them, so there is major glare.

An_angel_and_i_am"An Angel and I Am"

Ascention_in_assiah  "Ascention in Assiah"

Angel_2 "Angel"

"Chant" - I helped rub the ink on the plate for this one.




close up of "God"


"God name"



"Yahweh"  -This one fell when we first moved in and the frame broke at the bottom.  Sniff sniff.



This one goes out to the one I love - a la R.E.M

So this is what happens when you work out on your new treadmill right before bedtime.  You don't go to bed.  You find five billion things to post about in attempt to get the wiggles singing "drink, drink! drink some water" out of your head before you lie in bed, trying to sleep with the song going over and over and over in your mind, driving you insane and keeping you awake. 

So while looking for Justin's art pictures, I stumbled across some other lovely ones. (let me just say, I figured out how to convert a TIF to  JPEG to post these pictures, all by myself!  I rule, though once i figured out how to do it, I don't feel like I rule that much, it was pretty simple)

Here we are, approximately 1985.  Justin and I are both in this picture.  I knew he was my boyfriend, future husband, destiny, what have you.  He did not.  Can you guess which ones we are?


And here we are once again.  This picture was taken about 2 weeks after we met, when we had started "dating" and had already announced to everyone but each other that we were going to get married.  My friend Lee thought she would take a picture in case I never saw him again.  I had asked him to come to church with me and he was still trying to impress, so he agreed.  You don't think you look old until you look at pictures of yourself at 19 and then it all hits you.

One of our many "self portraits" from our honeymoon.


Halloween 2004-we had a transgendered theme party...Dscf0002

This should have been our Christmas card.

Halloween 2005. 

I will end it there.  I have left you all with 4 posts for the day... I am spent.

Thursday, January 10, 2008


A question about cloth pads, known as "mama cloth" ended up on the diaper forum.  I followed some links and was reading reviews and whatnot, just for fun.  I came across this statement in a review...

" My first few experiences with
cloth were okay. I tried one pad that I won in a raffle and few others,
and although committed to stay away from disposibles, I wasn't excited
about it. Then came Ama'z padz."

What in the HELL kind of raffle prize is that????????????????????  Was the raffle at the Vagina Monologues? 

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Yesterday was a long and tiring day.  We had a small leak show up in our kitchen ceiling.  We assume something leaked for a little bit and is now done.  It is already brown like it dried.  We have a plan in place for repair.  I worked my full shift last night until midnight.  It went by quickly but 8 hours is 8 hours.  I had a very hard time going to bed when I got home even though I was tired.  My mind was still working, just about random things.  I only have to work 3 hours tonight and I am glad.  I think saying 2 nights a week was definitely the right decision at least for now.  I worked with the person who does the schedule last night so I pretty much get whatever I want.  Excellent! 

Ava and I are going for a better day today.  She seems to be needing a lot of one on one time right now.  We are going to the children's museum with one of her favorite people, Uncle Michael. 

I keep going to walmart for little things like milk and whatnot, but I forget the other little things on the list, so then I am forced to plan another trip.  I need to make an actual list.


Work is done for me for the week.  I know, boohoo, but 8 hours is 8 hours whether or not it is at night or during the day.  I actually do end up doing more work being at home all day and then working for 8 hours than the reverse.  I would usually watch tv in the evenings while Ava was sleeping.  I don't get that luxury during the day.  I have already gotten shockingly little done this week.  Ava is definitely missing the other kids at daycare.  She doesn't seem to enjoy playing alone all that often.  It is like she was fine on the weekends because we were often busy and she had already played with the other kids all week.  I am starting to lean towards her not feeling well so I am definitely not doing any play dates tomorrow until I assess the situation.  She got really pale at lunch today and then fell asleep for 3.5 hours.  I had to wake her up to get ready for dinner.  She went to bed for the night 3 hours later. She had a lot of fun at the children's museum.  She seemed very shy at first and kept hugging my leg, but then she started running to all the different activities. 

By the way, if you are at all interested, the brummel and brown strawberry yogurt spread is not like cream cheese.  It does taste amazingly close to strawberry cream cheese when on a bagel.  It melts like butter.  I had to pour my melted stuff off in order to eat.  It was still delicious.  Ava liked it too.  "bites, bites, bites." 

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Ava clearly cannot handle the responsibility of being a somewhat pleasant person today, so she has been put down for a nap 2 hours after waking up after getting mad at every toy she owns and crying of an on for the last hour and a half.  I figure she is either tired or not feeling well and both things require sleep.  She isn't asleep yet, but she isn't really fighting it.

By the way, I know my post last night was kind of lame.  I was kind of in a weird daze of tiredness and awakeness and no thoughts were coming clearly.  Yes I know awakeness isn't a word.

Monday, January 7, 2008

cook for the cure

this would be cool.

yes i know i could make the link look fancy and not all long but I don't remember how and it doesn't really matter because you are still just clicking on something.

**** maybe this link will work

my first day of my new life

I think today went well.  Ava was only nasty about 90% if the day.  When I dropped her off at Wanda's I told her she had been a bad mood all day. She was like well, I did tell her to give you a hard time.  I think Wanda is happy to have her back for a little bit each week so she can keep up with her. 

I had my first day at my new job.  It went well.  I think my schedule is going to work out well too.  I don't know what it will be for sure, but I got to see where openings are and I think they will fit just fine.  It is definitely a different set up there than at the last shelter I was at.  Somethings make much more sense and others....well there are always differences.  A perk of my job is I get to see my friend there who is currently doing her internship there.  It is fun to get to chat.  We used to talk all the time when she was working but it is harder now.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Justin is gone for the day.  Ava has slept a total of 20 minutes since waking up this morning.  It is 6:30pm and I just put her to bed for the night. She is already asleep.   I could not handle the crabbiness any longer.  She had good moments, but after dinner she was done.  We did walk to Walmart today since it was apparently spring and 61 degrees out.  She held the box of garbage bags in her stroller.  She was helping.  I plan to walk to walmart if I have to run out to get one thing (today it was milk and garbage bags) and they are small enough to fit under the stroller and the weather is nice.  It really is about a 10 minute walk.  If I feel like really getting a work out, I could walk to Target, going through the neighborhoods, but is probably honestly more of a half hour walk.  I might still do it sometime.  I would rather walk with a purpose than just going in circles.   

So Ava has apparently given up all foods other than apples, oatmeal, fish sticks, cheese, yogurt, applesauce, pancakes, donuts, eggs, pastries,  and sometimes chicken nuggets.  Notice there weren't any vegetables listed.  I feel like I don't want to give in and just feed her only what she will eat but at the same time I don't want to starve her because she refuses to eat anything I give her.  I haven't decided what to do.  Suggestions?

Saturday, January 5, 2008


A friend took me to see P.S. I Love You tonight.  It really was a pretty good movie.  I didn't really know much of what it is about.  I think previews show way too much of the story line lately so I try not to pay attention.  Either way, I cried off and on through the entire movie.  I also laughed so hard I was snorting, though that isn't hard to do after crying.  This wasn't just tearing up a bit crying, this was full on man, I hope they don't have lights on in the hallway because I look really ugly kind of crying. It was a good happy sad movie.  I recommend it if you are in the mood for mucussy, snorting, laughter. 

It did make me think a bit though.  I used to imagine what it would be like if Justin died. I would actually get myself all upset and crying, thinking of how the funeral would go, what could be said, how long I would wallow in bed, things like that.  After Ava was born, I no longer got upset imagining if Justin died.  I had a new target of morbid imagination time.  Ava.  This type of scenario definitely trumped the first one.  I then knew that if Justin died I would survive, but if Ava were to then I have no game plan for survival.  This movie just made me pause a bit.  Justin, sorry if you ever thought I didn't value your presence.  (we have discussed the if you/I die scenario quite a bit, including today, discussing whether or not I am adequately insured)  If you were to die, I still would wallow in bed.  I just know that eventually I would get up.  I don't know how I would continue on with my normal life though, because everything about it would be different with out you. 

Friday, January 4, 2008


It is over.  I am all done with work and Ava is done with daycare.  The day didn't start out well since I had no keys to my car.  A co-worker came to pick me up.  I got to work and everyone bought me donuts.  We also all went out to lunch.  I will miss my actual job a little bit, but mostly my friends that I have spent pretty much every day with for the last 5 years.  I have made many promises to come back for lunch.  My one good friend actually left early, I think to avoid saying good bye.  I know she was upset that I was leaving and doesn't like good byes.

Wanda was pretty sad that Ava was leaving.  Justin picked her up and I am glad that he did because I probably would have totally started crying.  He said it looked like she was trying not to cry.  She might watch Ava for an hour on the days I work in between me leaving and Justin getting home.  I am sure it won't cost much, and it will be totally worth getting rid of the stress of Justin being home even if there is traffic and me needing to leave.  Plus she will get to see her friends! 

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

aww she dressed herself!



If you have any questions about what she is putting on her head, the next picture should help clarify.


Yep, those are 8 brand new pairs of fruit of the loom undies, straight out of the package.  Don't they also make a beautiful scarf?

She is still wearing them.


Today wasn't that bad.  It was very slow since I really don't have a lot of work to do.  I am helping out processing police reports that are backlogged so that is at least helping to pass the time.  My supervisor did actually acknowledge that I am leaving.  He was told to make sure I give all my stuff back.  Dang it!  I was hoping to keep the bullet proof vest.  It was custom made to fit me, so I am not sure what they are going to do with it. 

I finally started going through the employment packet I was given for my new job.  I was told it was forms to fill out and the information on getting finger printed.  I do have to get finger printed and the place is only open on Fridays, so at least I can go Friday after lunch and just turn in a little bit more time off.  I have to get drug tested (I am going tomorrow right after work) and I have to get a TB test.  I ordered my college transcript which I also needed, so hopefully they will fax it by Friday.  I still don't know what day I am going to start.  I will tell them tomorrow that I will have everything done by Friday, so hopefully they can put me on the schedule.  That part, the not knowing when I will actually start working, is starting to stress me out.