A friend took me to see P.S. I Love You tonight. It really was a pretty good movie. I didn't really know much of what it is about. I think previews show way too much of the story line lately so I try not to pay attention. Either way, I cried off and on through the entire movie. I also laughed so hard I was snorting, though that isn't hard to do after crying. This wasn't just tearing up a bit crying, this was full on man, I hope they don't have lights on in the hallway because I look really ugly kind of crying. It was a good happy sad movie. I recommend it if you are in the mood for mucussy, snorting, laughter.
It did make me think a bit though. I used to imagine what it would be like if Justin died. I would actually get myself all upset and crying, thinking of how the funeral would go, what could be said, how long I would wallow in bed, things like that. After Ava was born, I no longer got upset imagining if Justin died. I had a new target of morbid imagination time. Ava. This type of scenario definitely trumped the first one. I then knew that if Justin died I would survive, but if Ava were to then I have no game plan for survival. This movie just made me pause a bit. Justin, sorry if you ever thought I didn't value your presence. (we have discussed the if you/I die scenario quite a bit, including today, discussing whether or not I am adequately insured) If you were to die, I still would wallow in bed. I just know that eventually I would get up. I don't know how I would continue on with my normal life though, because everything about it would be different with out you.