Saturday, January 5, 2008


A friend took me to see P.S. I Love You tonight.  It really was a pretty good movie.  I didn't really know much of what it is about.  I think previews show way too much of the story line lately so I try not to pay attention.  Either way, I cried off and on through the entire movie.  I also laughed so hard I was snorting, though that isn't hard to do after crying.  This wasn't just tearing up a bit crying, this was full on man, I hope they don't have lights on in the hallway because I look really ugly kind of crying. It was a good happy sad movie.  I recommend it if you are in the mood for mucussy, snorting, laughter. 

It did make me think a bit though.  I used to imagine what it would be like if Justin died. I would actually get myself all upset and crying, thinking of how the funeral would go, what could be said, how long I would wallow in bed, things like that.  After Ava was born, I no longer got upset imagining if Justin died.  I had a new target of morbid imagination time.  Ava.  This type of scenario definitely trumped the first one.  I then knew that if Justin died I would survive, but if Ava were to then I have no game plan for survival.  This movie just made me pause a bit.  Justin, sorry if you ever thought I didn't value your presence.  (we have discussed the if you/I die scenario quite a bit, including today, discussing whether or not I am adequately insured)  If you were to die, I still would wallow in bed.  I just know that eventually I would get up.  I don't know how I would continue on with my normal life though, because everything about it would be different with out you.