Thursday, May 15, 2008

I hope you have a child that is just like you.

I have heard many people say, "Oh, I know.  He is a handful.  My mom said she cursed me to have a baby that is just like me."   I had a client say it tonight.   I have even my own mother say something like that about me.  These are never said in positive ways, even if they are said in a joking manner.  Do you ever hear someone say, "Yes, isn't s/he so sweet and calm?  My mom hoped that I would have a baby just like me and I did!"  It is always said about something that can be seen as a flaw or a hardship.  Something that should, in theory, be trying to a parent.  Even before it was said to me, I have always been irked by it.  It is like watching a man who talks about his wife but can't stop rolling his eyes and pulling a face.  Who wants to be talked about like that?  Who wants to be so disrespected?  To tell someone that you hope they have a baby that is just like them is like saying, you weren't fun, you were hard and I hope you suffer the way you made me suffer.  I hope you are in labor for 4 days after what you put me through!!!  Is that how you show your children that you love them and always have?  Is that how you bond?  Should your now adult child read through the lines and see, "See how difficult your child is?  You were this way too, but do you still see how much you love that baby?  That is how much I loved you."   Isn't there any easier way to say it?   

I have met the parents who have had REAL problems with their kids.  They have kids who are addicted to heroin, who have stolen from them, who have beaten them, who have shot at other kids.  I have heard them say to their kids, "You will never understand or know the pain you have caused me or what you have put me through until you go through it with your own child, but I would NEVER wish that upon you.  I would NEVER wish this upon anyone."

I have been blessed with a daughter who is very much like me.  Her personality has been clear from day one.  She has always been so sure of herself and what she wanted but at the same time very relaxed and content. It has been so amazing to watch her and just get to know and understand her.  I can see why she is getting frustrated at something, because it is something that I would also get frustrated with.  By watching her and getting to know her, I have also gotten to know myself better.  It is hard to explain, but it is like knowing that she is who she is and has been from day one kind of makes me embrace certain qualities about myself that I see in her.  I am proud of who she is, shouldn't I be of myself?