It has been 4 months since the great nail smashing. I smashed my middle finger in a garage door I am pretty sure that my finger was broken based on the swelling and lack of mobility. After a couple days my nail turned black but it was all dried blood underneath so I couldn't drain it. About 2 months later my nail all fell off. I had a little nub of a nail underneath it so I at least had something. All the skin that was normally covered by a nail was very dry and gross looking too. I have finally grown the new nail out to the tip of my finger, at least in the middle of it. The sides by the cuticles are still shorter. There is a huge ridge where the new nail was attached to the old nail. I have another month or so until that will be gone.
What I have learned from this whole thing. (I do know this is a very shallow type of lesson.) I am very vain about my nails. I naturally have nicely shaped nails that are strong and long. Over the last two years I have always had them painted, and had them done. It was my one indulgence. Seriously, I have a great friend who generally just does my hair when she has time in her kitchen so I don't go to the salon or anything. Having one black nail or no nail for the last few months made me realize how much I use my hands to talk, point to things, etc. I actually think that people care how nice my nails look. I know they probably don't, but in my mind they do. Maybe I see having the ability to get my nails done, just a simple no chip manicure on a semi-regular basis as an outward sign that my life is going smoothly. It means I have had the time to go. I have had the spare cash.
At this point, I am waiting for the stars to all align. I will have 10 full finger nails to have painted. Isla will last longer between feedings so I can consider being gone for something so frivolous. Nothing will break or annual dues or fees won't be due. Income will be steady. And then I am all in. I will own it. I have gone without and seen the light. I love my nails done. Just like I love my cable tv. In the land of plenty, it is the shallow things you don't realize you will miss until they are gone.