Vanity.

It has been 4 months since the great nail smashing.  I smashed my middle finger in a garage door  I am pretty sure that my finger was broken based on the swelling and lack of mobility.  After a couple days my nail turned black but it was all dried blood underneath so I couldn't drain it.  About 2 months later my nail all fell off. I had a little nub of a nail underneath it so I at least had something.  All the skin that was normally covered by a nail was very dry and gross looking too.  I have finally grown the new nail out to the tip of my finger, at least in the middle of it.  The sides by the cuticles are still shorter.  There is a huge ridge where the new nail was attached to the old nail.  I have another month or so until that will be gone.

What I have learned from this whole thing.  (I do know this is a very shallow type of lesson.)  I am very vain about my nails.  I naturally have nicely shaped nails that are strong and long.  Over the last two years I have always had them painted, and had them done.  It was my one indulgence. Seriously, I have a great friend who generally just does my hair when she has time in her kitchen so I don't go to the salon or anything.  Having one black nail or no nail for the last few months made me realize how much I use my hands to talk, point to things, etc.  I actually think that people care how nice my nails look.  I know they probably don't, but in my mind they do. Maybe I see having the ability to get my nails done, just a simple no chip manicure on a semi-regular basis as an outward sign that my life is going smoothly.  It means I have had the time to go. I have had the spare cash.

At this point, I am waiting for the stars to all align.  I will have 10 full finger nails to have painted.  Isla will last longer between feedings so I can consider being gone for something so frivolous.  Nothing will break or annual dues or fees won't be due.  Income will be steady. And then I am all in.  I will own it.  I have gone without and seen the light.  I love my nails done. Just like I love my cable tv.  In the land of plenty, it is the shallow things you don't realize you will miss until they are gone.